15 februari 2014, 15 rabiul akhir 1435
Muhammad Aliff bin Faizatul Ashrey meninggal dunia
leaving 3 brothers, his parents, his friends from palam, stj, semerak
he left all of us with a smile on his face
he was the guy that i know that no matter what i can rely on
a guy that would listen to me cry and cry with me also
a guy that would let me stomp his foot, hit him with things and stuck my tongue out
a guy that would give me chocolate when i cry, ice-cream when i'm happy
a guy that listens to me screaming at him with a smile
a guy that always fulfils his promise to me
and most importantly
a guy that i can call as my 'abang'
i remember when i met you when we were in f4
you were so arrogant with all your branded stuffs
but then mior came and made us friends
you would always come to me and just talk about basically anything to me
we were inseparable
and you were also my first best guy friend ever
and i will never regret giving you that title
then f5 came
and that kid, that girl, that perempuan also came
and everything that we were, started to crumbled just like a lego house
but no matter what you were still there for me
taking care of me when some weird guy started to kacau me
talking on the shoe rack at night
i love all the nights that we will take time to talk and go have a walk around school
writing your name on every single thing that was yours
using your mp3 just to make you talk to me
a few months later
you start to stop talking to me
in my head was all the questions that was never answered and never will be
everyone started asking yet i couldn't answer
the friend that i love and care started to ignore me like i was the plague
everytime i tried, you also tried to go away
i cared for you too much that it hurts my heart too much
every night i cried thinking of what used to be and what is happening
then i found out
that stupid kid, the girl and that perempuan
you chose them over me, you chose them whom you knew for only a few months over me
how that hurt my pride as your best friend
in my head, it started ringing again
is it just me? was i the only one that think i'm special to him as he is to me?
and the cold war continues on but no one knows
people think we're okay but the war keeps on brooding
the exam was nearing and we talked
yet i couldn't look at your face directly
too many mixed emotions clouding my head that i don't know what to do
but you keep asking me to look at your face but i just couldn't, wouldn't
i loved you too much to say what i really want to say
after spm even if we were okay but that little crack between us will always be a reminder
after results everyone started to go divide and conquer
and our relationship remained as so
it's my fault
i was too egoistical, too stupid to realise how much value the relationship is
right now
new questions are ringing in my head
what if i talked to you more? what if i just lower down my ego a bit at least i have no regret?
yet
i feel glad that you called me the night before
you started with lame jokes like you always do
Aliff, just wanna say, you promised me so many things you know
and i'm so sad that you're not here to fulfil any of them
mami even asked who am i going to go with now?
and i don't even want to think the solution
because in my head you are always going to be here for me
by my side always
i guess this the end of my ranting to my abang
i may not accept it much that you have left me here alone to fend for myself
but i know abang, i know you are taking care of all of us from up there
looking at us smiling and
saying some sarcastic remark when you see us cry yet you would hide your tears from us
you took the words away out of me
in the end, i just would like to say, abang i miss you ♥♥♥
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